Inspirational

I'm a Survivor:
Finding Strength by Speaking Out
from http://www.bluejeanonline.com/

Samantha Bell, 21
Sr. Editor
Geneseo, N.Y.
Art by Brooks Girsch, 21, Illustrator

Tammy Sabo is a survivor. A tenth grader in Syracuse, New York, she is the winner of the State division of the National Family, Career and Community Leaders of America (FCCLA) competition. Tammy will advance to the National level and speak out about domestic abuse and various other forms of abuse. She is a survivor not only because of her perseverance in fundraising to enable her to travel to Anaheim, California, where she will deliver her speech at the FCCLA National competition in July, but also because she is a survivor of sexual abuse. When she delivers her speech, she speaks out for those who have been abused and need to find their voice, and to educate others about the various forms of abuse, healing, and personal strength.

When Tammy was five and a half years old, she accompanied her mother to a local sports store to find a Christmas present for her father. An employee named Bob offered to show Tammy some animals in the display case a few feet away. When Tammy agreed, Bob took her downstairs, promising to show her more animals. "He told me I was a very pretty little girl," Tammy recalled. "He started to rub my back, and I pushed him away. He progressed to touching other parts of my body. I told him to stop, but he said that what he was doing was something only special people shared, and we were two special people. I started to cry, and my mom called for me then. He told me that if I told anyone what happened, he would have to kill my mom and dad because they would not understand, and then he would have to take me away somewhere where no one would find me."

Tammy did not tell anyone what had happened for two years, until she saw a television program about a boy being touched the wrong way. "I began to cry, and when my mom asked me what was wrong, I told her I couldn't tell her," she said. "She asked me why, and I replied, 'Because I don't want you to be killed.' She asked me why that was, and I told her of the events that had taken away my childhood two years prior. My mother and I cried for a long time, and she told me that she understood."

lthough her mother supported her, confiding in others proved detrimental. When she talked to school counselors, she said, "They made me feel like it was my fault... They always made me feel like I was the one that committed the crime." It wasn't until her friend Lindsay and Lindsay's mother took her to a candlelight vigil at a New Hope Center in Owego, N.Y., in eighth grade that Tammy saw others share similar stories, and, she said, "I started believing that it was not my fault.

"Soon after the vigil, though, she began dating a boy who was emotionally abusive, demanding that she lose weight and telling her that she was getting too fat for him. Tammy stopped eating and began taking Bactrum to lose weight. The drug caused an allergic reaction, and Tammy ended up in the hospital. "When I awoke my mom had a mirror in her hand, and she showed me what I looked like," she said. "She said to me, 'I cannot make you eat. I have faith that you will choose the right path.' From that day on, no matter how bad I thought I looked, I ate."

A year later, at the next candlelight vigil in Owego, Tammy told her story. "I made people cry, and I felt better about what I had been through," she said. She had finally begun healing.

Through it all, Tammy said, her mother, her grandmother, her friend Lindsay, and her ex-boyfriend Matt have been her biggest supporters. "My grandmother has been gone for a year now, but it was her dream to see me overcome the abuse," she said. "I think she would be proud. My mother was also abused at a young age and no one believed her, so she kept quiet. I speak out because she did not have the chance to and I do."

If given the chance, Tammy would speak to her abuser. "I would sit him down and tell him of the hell that I went through during the years that I was supposed to be a child," she said. "I would tell him that no matter how hard he tried, he could never take away my pride in myself. I do not hate him. I do not hate anyone. I do feel bad for him. I feel bad that he had to molest a five-year-old so that for a few seconds he could feel in control."

In addition to competing in FCCLA, Tammy speaks out at her high school and counsels others who have gone through similar abusive experiences. Her advice to those who have been abused: "Do not give up. Speak out and let your story be heard. This is who I am. I am a survivor."

This article was published by Blue Jean Online (www.bluejeanonline.com),  Copyright 2002 Blue Jean Media, Inc. All rights reserved.

Let Me Be A Child

Let me know when I make you proud. And Help me to have
pride in my own accomplishments. Let me earn your trust. Then
trust me. I won't let you down. Let me try my wings. If I fail,
let me know it's OK. And encourage me to try again. Let me know
you love me. With a hug. Or a pat on the back, or when I need it,
with a firm but gentle "no." Let me be. Let me change Let me
grow. Let me tell you when I'm feeling bad... or angry… Even at
you. And let me know that even on my worst days, you still like
me. Let me dream. Share my joy when my dreams come true.
Share my tears when they don't. Let me feel secure in my home.
Help me realize that love is always there … that I can depend on
you no matter what. Let me run … let me laugh … let me play.
And most of all, let me be a child!

—Anonymous

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with fear, they learn to be apprehensive,
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves,
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
But do not despair ...
If a child lives with tolerance, they learn to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If a child lives with praise, they learn to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, they live with justice.
If a child lives with security, they live to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, they learn to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship.
they learn to find love in the world.

— Dorothy Law Nolte

When You Thought I Wasn't Looking

When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you hang up my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another one.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you feed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw you make my favorite cake for me, and I knew that little things are special things.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I heard you say a prayer, and I believed there is a God I could always talk to.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I felt you kiss me goodnight, and I felt loved.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I saw that you cared, and I wanted to be everything that I could be.
When you thought I wasn't looking,
I LOOKED....
and wanted to say thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn't looking.

- Connie Back



Love Me For Me

Dear Mom and Dad,

My hands are little --

I don't mean to spill my milk,

My legs are short --

Please - slow down so I can keep up with you,

When I touch something bright and shiny,

Please don't slap my hands.

Please look at me when I talk to you.

I just need to know you're listening.

Let me make mistakes without feeling stupid --

My feelings are delicate.

Please don't expect the bed I made to be perfect --

Just Love me for trying.

Remember, I am a child -- not an adult.

Sometimes I don't understand the things you say.

Please just love me for being me,

Not for the things I can do.

I love you mom and dad. You're all I have.

- Unknown

A POEM BY LORIS MALAGUZZI

The child is made of one hundred.
The child has a hundred languages
a hundred hands
a hundred thoughts
a hundred ways of thinking
of playing, of speaking.
A hundred, always a hundred
ways of listening
of marveling
of loving
a hundred joys for singing
and understanding
a hundred worlds to discover
a hundred worlds to invent
a hundred worlds to dream.
The child has a hundred languages
(and a hundred hundred hundred more)
but they steal ninety-nine
the school and the culture
separate the head from the body.
They tell the child to think
without hands
to do without head
to listen and not speak
to understand without joy
to love and marvel
only at Easter and Christmas.
They tell the child
to discover the world already there
and of the hundred
they steal ninety-nine.
They tell the child that
work and play
reality and fantasy
science and imagination
sky and earth
reason and dream
are things
that do not belong together.
And thus they tell the child
that the hundred is not there.
The child says:
No way.  The hundred is there!

- Loris Malaguzzi

Children Learn What They Live

If a child lives with criticism, he learns to condemn.
If a child lives with hostility, he learns to fight.
If a child lives with ridicule, he learns to be shy.
If a child lives with tolerance, he learns to be patient.
If a child lives with encouragement, he learns confidence.
If a child lives with praise, he learns to appreciate.
If a child lives with fairness, he lives with justice.
If a child lives with security, he lives to have faith.
If a child lives with approval, he learns to like himself.
If a child lives with acceptance and friendship.
he learns to find love in the world.

— Unknown

Death Of An Innocence

She puts on a smile only to hide her fears,
you can't tell she's hurt but she's cried enough tears,
it's the death of an innocence.
With one wicked touch it's the withering of a youth
and it hurts so much.
When evil strikes in our homes threw someone we trust,
It's a world of hurt and revenge is a must.
A girl throws down a card talkin about how much fun she had
hers was so hard and it just hurt so bad,
it's the death of an innocence.
With one wicked touch it's the withering of a youth
and it hurt her so much,
her family trusted that man, he told her it was her fault
she should have ran,
she feels so guilty,
why didn't she leave?
He makes her feel so filthy and worth nothing,
it's the death of an innocence.
With one wicked touch,
it's the withering of a youth and it hurts so much.
She spills it to spring her closest friend,
she says the cops are on their way
and that her wounds will soon mend.
She tells Spring that she can't stay and she's runnin again.
Did he even think what he was doin to her?
Does he know what he did and how it'll affect her?
He killed that innocence
and now........ she's not the same

— Song By: Alexandra Gomez
of All for Sillius

Mistaken Identity

What do you think?
Now that you see what I am?
I'm still the same girl,
the girl you've always known.
I like songs and paintings,
romantic comedies and harlequin romances.
I still like staying up all night,
gossiping with friends...
only to wake up early and
eat pizza and ice cream for breakfast.
So I have a hidden past...
who doesn't have one?
So now that you see
what's been lying under my surface,
has it been worth it for you?
I've always run from my past,
but now I'm chasing it.
And my mistaken identity
is left behind,
along with my mask.

— Desiree Yvonne Nelson

Kids Get Justice

"I'm sorry, could you
leave the courtroom please?"
"Yeah, sure, no problem,
this case is only about ME, but
that's alright, I'll leave."
'This is so messed up,'
I think to myself,
'they're in the wrong business
if they don't like talking to kids.'
Family Law judge,
Please! That's bull!
'They don't like seeing their victims
as they subject them to torture.'
"It's just like the firing squad,"
I say aloud, "five possible criminals,
and one single perpetrator...
they can't handle seeing the criminals!"
Except kids suffering from abuse
are far from being the criminals.
When will kids get justice?

— Desiree Yvonne Nelson

-Unknown


Hugs

It's wondrous what a hug can do.
A hug can cheer you when you're blue.
A hug can say, "I love you so,"
Or "Gee, I hate to see you go."
A hug is, "Welcome back again,"
And, "Great to see you! Where've you been?"
A hug can smooth a small child's pain,
And bring a rainbow after rain.
The hug! There's just no doubt about it,
We scarcely could survive without it!
A hug delights and warms and charms.
It must be why God gave us arms.
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers,
Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers.
And chances are your favorite aunts
Love them more than potted plants.
Kittens crave them. Puppies love them.
Heads of state are not above them.
A hug can break the language barrier,
And make your travels so much merrier.
No need to fret about your store of 'em;
The more you give the more there's of 'em;
So stretch those arms without delay,
And Give Someone A Hug Today!!!

— Dean Walley

I'm Special

I'm special.
In all the world there's nobody like me.
Since the beginning of time, there has never been another person like me.
Nobody has my smile. Nobody has my eyes, my nose, my hair, my hands, my voice.
I'm special.
No one can be found who has my handwriting.
Nobody anywhere has my tastes for food or music or art.
No one else sees things just as I do.
In all of time there's been no one who laughs like me,
no one who cries like me, and what makes me laugh and cry
will never provoke identical laughter and tears from anybody else, ever.
No one reacts to any situation just as I would react.
I'm special.
I'm the only one in all of creation who has my set of abilities.
Oh, there will always be somebody who is better at one of the things I'm good at,
but no one in the universe can reach the quality of my combinations of talents,
ideas, abilities and feelings. Like a room full of musical instruments, some may
excel alone, but none can match the symphony sound when all are played together. I'm a symphony. Through all of eternity no one will ever look, talk, walk, think, or do like me.
I'm special.
I'm rare.
And, in all rarity there is great value. Because of my great value, I need not attempt
to imitate others. I will accept -- yes, celebrate -- my differences.
I'm special.
And I'm beginning to realize it's no accident that I'm special.
I'm beginning to see that my Higher Power made me special for a very special purpose.
He must have a job for me that no one else can do as well as I. Out of all the
billions of applicants, only one is qualified, only one has the right combination
of what it takes. That one is me.
Because ... I'm special!

— Unknown

From Someone Who Knows!!

Is it your mom or dad or someone close,
who should be good to you…
Instead they hurt and put you down
And blame their pain on you.

They drink and fuss,
fight and cuss And make you feel so sad.
They take their problems out on you
And make you think you’re bad.

You cry and cry and wonder why,
Then wish it all away.
But still you have to struggle on
To face another day.

You count the years till you’ll be grown
And then you’ll have your say.
You cross your heart and hope to die
You’ll never be this way.

You plot and scheme,
Believe and dream
That you’ll be free in time.
You try to find some happiness,
if only in your mind.

Don’t keep these secrets all inside
Tell a teacher or a friend.
There are no magic answers
But one day this will end.

And though you feel so all alone,
God is with you everyday.
Just be strong and don’t give up
And don’t forget to pray!

— Anita Scipio